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How Dumb Can the GOP Get?

Remember the crazy press conference held by Rudy Giuliani on September 7, 2020, across the street from a porno shop in Philly when he announced his investigation of a ‘national’ conspiracy to steal the 2020 election? How could you not remember that event?

It turns out that there has been a national investigation of an attempt to steal the 2020 vote. The only problem is that the investigation is being conducted against 68 men and women in 6 states who have either already been indicted or may soon be indicted for pretending to be electors casting phony Electoral College ballots for Trump. If these false votes had been accepted, Orange Shithead would still be President and Joe would be sitting in his Delaware basement cooling his heels.

Not only are these investigations ongoing, but in the two states where indictments have been issued and the dopes have been charged, there has already been one defendant in each state who has flipped and will be testifying about what really went on.

In Michigan, the dirty rat is a guy named James Renner charged with eight felonies including conspiracy, election law forgery and a couple of other dumb things. The poor bastard is 76 years old, and I can just imagine how he feels contemplating spending his golden years in the clink.

The bigger prize was the news out of Georgia that Sydney Powell has also decided to become a rat and tell the prosecutors in Fulton County whatever they want to hear. Powell was not only on Trump’s campaign staff but was an adamant and ardent promoter of the election ‘fraud’ scheme. In fact, she was the one who floated an entirely false story about how the Dominion voting machines were set up to erase votes for Trump, a conspiracy theory for which she is facing a Dominion defamation suit.

Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if all of the defendants in Georgia and Michigan and the soon-to-be defendants in Arizona, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, and Nevada all cop pleas. First of all, it’s pretty tough to convince a jury that when you snuck into a room at night and filled out a bogus election form that all you were doing was creating a shopping list for a trip to the Piggly-Wiggly, Stop & Shop, Shop Rite, or some other supermarket chain.

Second, I know that justice is supposed to be blind, but the chief law enforcement officers in Arizona and New Mexico happen to be Democrats, the case in Wisconsin is based on a lawsuit filed by a group of Democrats, and Trump’s behavior vis-à-vis the election officials in Pennsylvania is enough to turn them into Democrats as well.

Ever hear the name Carlos Marcello? He was the head of the New Orleans mob from 1947 to 1983. Over the years, he was mentioned as having been involved in the plot to kill President Kennedy, but what really made Marcello famous was his appearance before a Senate Committee in 1951 when he took the 5th Amendment 152 times.

I don’t think the Guiness Book of Records has a listing for who has invoked the 5th Amendment more times than anyone else, but if such a record were ever created, Marcello would probably get the prize.

On the other hand, I don’t recall a single Mafioso other than Joe Valachi who ever copped a plea because mob guys all know that sooner or later they’re going to go ‘away to school,’ which is how they refer to spending time in jail.

Actually, there was one other really bad gangster who opened up on the stand and got off with a lot less time in stir than he deserved. I’m talking about Sammy Gravano, whose courtroom testimony helped put John Gotti behind bars.

The bottom line is that the jerkoffs who tried to reverse an electoral victory where the real winner (Joe) got 7 million more votes than the loser (Shithead) weren’t made members of any Mafia gang. They were such putzes that they probably didn’t even get paid for getting themselves on video after they broke into the basement of the Coffee County office in Georgia where they tried to steal the voting machines.

Remember Breslin’s great little novel - The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight – about some Mafia wannabees in Brooklyn who couldn’t fix a roller derby race? Now we have a real-life story about the gang that can’t think straight.

I mean, how else can we describe the current-day shenanigans of the GOP?

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