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When Is Trump's Bar-Mitzvah?


Let’s say, just for the sake of an argument, that Donald Trump actually ends up getting indicted for something having to do with January 6th, or the Georgia business, or something else. And let’s say that he is not only facing a trial on criminal charges, but everybody is sick of him and all his bullshit, and there’s actually a good chance that he’ll not only get convicted but will be sentenced to jail.

So, what does Trump do? He converts to Judaism, which he can do with a quick visit to what Grandpa would call an ‘efsher’ (read: kind of) rabbi, and then fly to Israel, settle into a nice apartment with an ocean view in Tel Aviv, and then apply for citizenship, which won’t be granted right away, but his Israeli address will make it difficult if not impossible for the U.S. Government to bring him back to stand trial for all his misdeeds.

And when you stop to think about it, it’s not as if either the Democrats or the GOP would have a problem with this scheme. The last thing the Democrats need is to have all the Republicans ranting about how they’ve turned Trump into a martyr for the wrong cause, and the last thing the Republicans need is to have him running around ranting about the sins of all those RINOS who didn’t support him before, during and after he was Number 45.

Think I’m kidding? I’m not. And the reason I’m not kidding is that I can’t think of how else to figure out why Trump put that crazy post on Truth Social about how the Jews need to ‘wise up’ before it’s too late.

Trump’s nutty diatribe about how American Jews don’t support Israel is not only chock full of falsehoods and outright lies, but one wonders why he would raise this issue at all. Less than 20% of American’s Jewish community self-identify as Republicans, a number which has been consistent since Israel became an independent country in 1948. And the negatives on Trump held by Jews are somewhere around 70%, particularly after he announced there were some “good people’ marching with the Nazis who showed up at Charlottesville in 2017.

Trump became a big Israel booster after meeting with Sheldon Adelson, the casino billionaire, who’s Israeli wife has always been a real hard-liner and supporter of various Israeli far-right groups since her brother was killed while he was in a combat unit of IDF. Adelson ended up giving a pro-Trump PAC $75 million for the 2020 campaign, which made no difference in the way the campaign turned out.

The only problem with all the dough that Adelson pumped into Trump’s campaign in 2016 and again in 2020, is that the couple still only represented two votes, and now that Sheldon died in 2021, the Adelson vote number is down to one. In Trump’s stupid comment yesterday, he claimed that he was the most popular U.S. President of all time in Israel and that he could run for Prime Minister and probably win. As Grandpa would say, ‘gai mach,’ (read: enough bullshit, okay?)

On the other hand, maybe what would boost the Israeli economy a little more would be if the Knesset would change the law which currently prohibits face-to-face casinos from operating in the Zionist state. So why not let Trump build an Israeli version of his Taj Mahal casino and maybe this time, he won’t go bankrupt again.

Believe it or not, I really don’t want Trump to end up in jail, I just want him to shut the f*ck up.

On the other hand, if he doesn’t run in 2024, he can say whatever he wants to say, no matter how crazy or stupid it sounds.

Trump the candidate or Trump the entertainer or Trump the rabbi. Take your pick.

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